shadowsirenv

Alright, procrastinating from doing my homework, woo! My New Year's resolution list:

1. READ MORE. I think this is one of my resolutions every year. Honestly, I really do want to change it this upcoming year. As long as I read every day, even just like 15-20 pages, then I should get through most of those books sitting in the pile in my room.
2. Lose some weight. I don't have a weight loss goal per se, but I'd like to drop to a dress size 18 if possible (at least that by the time I buy my dress for prom).
3. Study harder. At least, for French and history and maybe pay better attention to what's in the textbook. My teacher loves to make us read from the textbook, not go over it in class and then test us on it two weeks later with very specific things they talked about in the text. For example, in the textbook they talked about why in Egypt they don't have an interest in their ancient past because it's a Muslim country and it would go against their beliefs to take an interest in polytheism (or something to that effect... my explanation is definitely off, though). They mentioned it briefly in the text, he never went over it in class, and then he put that as an open-ended question on our first test. So yeah. Also, I want 4's or 5's on my AP exams.
4. Procrastinate less. Ahahaha, let's see how this one happens.
5. Finish up series that I didn't finish. The John Adams HBO series, is one example in addition to the myriad of anime I have to get through.
6. Prepare myself for college.

I know I only posted once about it this entire time but I won for my fourth year in a row! I'm so happy right now! I have to resist the urged to keysmash though. I already did that on my tumblr. But yeah! All four years of high school and all four years I've competed I have won! 

Ah, so I've decided to take a break from NaNoing to just do a post about NaNoWriMo! It's a must! You probably all know that I do it every year, and have one every year too! This year, I believe I'm farther ahead of schedule than I've ever been. Last night, I reached 10206 words, a teeny bit over a fifth of my word count requirement done, and it was only day four of the competition! Tonight, I hit 12385 words, and hope to be at 15000 or more by tomorrow night. I'm trying to get ahead earlier this year because I will have a crazy two weeks starting Monday because of Masques. Luckily, though, we have a half day Tuesday because of elections (I get to vote!) and then we have Thursday and Friday off. Hopefully, my teachers won't swamp me work, so I can write a lot and be maybe halfway done before we go into show week. 

Ah, I'm so nervous! I can't believe show week is so soon! I am so excited!

This thing should just be called ListJournal. But anyway, my birthday is a week away and I still have to figure out what  I'm doing. But here's how I'm divvying up birthday money.

• Half of  an iPad (Poppy is generously funding the other half)
• An iPad case
• Imelda May's CDs
• Some NaNoWriMo t-shirt and/or other merch
• Set aside some money for my senior gift for Masques

Also, I am a hypocrite and painted my nails red. I hate nail polish...

So, I changed my idea two times already for NaNoWriMo. First, I wanted to write about the teacher's strike and them not writing seniors letters of recommendations for college. That issue was resolved rather quickly, though, so there isn't much I can really write about. Then, I thought about an old man who lives right next to a high school field and all the things he sees going on between sports and marching band and whatnot. But, I can't really come up with a lot of vignettes for that.

Then, Mika gave me an idea. I was listened to "Any Other World" when I thought of it. This guy is with one of his friends, who's giving him a ride home one day after school. The two of them are joking around, and she's not paying too much attention while driving, and they end up in an accident. The guy survives but the girl dies and he's haunted by this fact. A few years later, he sees here around a lot for some reason, looking lost and confused. Finally, he chases after her one day, into the middle of the road, not paying attention to traffic. He's hit and dies, but wakes up in the afterlife which looks and functions exactly like regular life.

That's the point. You don't know you're dead. It turns out that the girl and a few other people are a select few who know they are dead, and that they are being targeted by a higher authority because they know this. The boy is roped into their little group and somehow able to come back to life in the regular world and return to the afterlife as he pleases. 

Well, it turns out those higher ups are actually the group that the girl is a member of, and there after no one in the afterlife. They try to get people in the regular world to die so they can join the afterlife. And they don't like that the guy can come back to life as he pleases, so they start to target him...

I'm really excited to write this. Ah, November can't come soon enough!

It was personal story week on DWTS tonight, so I was thinking about what song and dance I would choose for my own personal story. I've picked some songs and dances I think may work with them.

Rumba to "Empire Ants (feat. Little Dragon)" by Gorillaz- Obvious choice is obvious. It's my favorite song and the song I have the strongest emotional connection to. It also inspired my in-progress novel Empire.

Cha-Cha-Cha to "Oh What a Night! (December 1963)" by Frankie Valli & the Four Seasons- This was a song I used to sing with my mom and my brothers all the time. It was the first song I knew all the words to... when I was five.

Cha-Cha-Cha to "Sharada" by Skye Sweetnam- This song kind of helped me through eighth grade because it helped me discover that it was okay to be me. Basically, I was Sharada the weird girl in the song and the lyrics fit me to a tee.

Jive to "The Space They Can't Touch" by Less Than Jake- The summer before ninth grade on the Euro Trip, I found out some guys were making fun of my weight behind my back. LTJ's new album just dropped before I left for the trip and I hadn't listened to it yet, but I had it on my iPod. As I was sulking on the bus and feeling terrible (my self-esteem dropping combined with fatigue and homesickness is not fun), this song came on. I listened to it carefully and it instantly made me feel better.

And those are my songs and dances.

WHAT A CHAMP

BRUNO.

BE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

Ah, here we go once more: FreeFree crushing on someone who is never--I repeat: NEVER--going to possibly reciprocate the feeling until she finally has a bangin' bod. 

No, please don't tell me I just need more confidence in myself. The last time I was confident, it didn't work out in my favor and I ended up very, very hurt. Confidence means absolutely nothing if guys aren't even willing to look at you. Let's face it, when does a guy first take interest in a girl? When he first sees her and thinks she's pretty. Then he gets to know her and starts to like her.

In real life, everyone judges on appearance. Yes, even I do. It's human nature. Getting jobs or landing parts on stage can depend on how you look. Personality comes second. Unfortunately, even my personality isn't too great. I'm shy around people I don't really know and can be awkward around people who I think are much "cooler" than me. 

I can name four guys who have liked me (assuming one wasn't lying about him and his friend liking me too). That's it. Girls have had more boyfriends than I've had guys who liked me. I know, that's an absolutely terrible comparison but everyone somehow always ends up making me feel like a prude. I've had my first kiss and that's it.

You want me to not be hard on myself? Tell that to me when I'm sitting right next to the guy I like, listening to him go on about how hot one of the girls in the last Masques show looked in her secretary outfit and how he would bang her and then tell me not to be hard on myself. 

I guess I'm conflicted right now. I have all this work that needs to get done, but I have neither the time or energy to get it all done. I have no time for myself. I haven't cared about my appearance at all and haven't gone out of my way to do anything extraordinary.

Yet, I find myself wanting to be the "bee's knees." Excuse my use of an outdated cliche, but I want to lose weight, but I think I feel that way for health reasons over appearance/self-esteem reasons. I'm not sure how I feel about a certain guy, I constantly find myself thinking about him and vying for his attention, but I think it might be out of pity more than anything. I'll wait it out and see. 

All I'd like to do right now, though, is sleep. I think I'll do just that.

All my posts have been emo lately. 

But whatever.

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